Do you ever drink to numb the pain of rejection?
I get it. It hurts.
Thinking we’ve been rejected can cause us to feel embarrassed, humiliated, sad, despondent, defensive; none of which you probably want to sit with.
Numbing is an easy out and, from the perspective of your lower brain, probably seems like the wise choice.
But when we’re quick to check out, we don’t get to the bottom of the problem, so the yuck remains, we feel even worse with a hangover, and we’re likely to repeat the pattern again.
Here’s the thing… whatever the rejection was – your daughter rolled her eyes at you, someone gave you the cold shoulder, your mother-in-law commented on your weight, your boss asks you to redo a project – that isn’t the problem.
The rejection doesn’t cause your pain.
It’s your thoughts about it that cause your pain. More specifically, it’s what you make it mean about you and the degree to which you agree with the criticism.
Did you make it mean that you’re a bad mom, or you’re unlovable, or you’re not that smart? If you aren’t sure, keep asking yourself why this particular rejection bothers you. Then take that answer and ask yourself again why that bothers you. Repeat this at least five times until you get to the underlying belief.
Do you secretly agree with all or part of what your critic said? If it bothered you, then on some level you do. That’s okay! That’s good information to have. Be honest with yourself. It’s the only way to make a change. Also, while it may seem counter-intuitive, owning that there is some truth to the criticism can be incredibly empowering.
The desire to be accepted by a group is part of our biological make-up. Our lives depended on it at one point. So you aren’t weak or damaged for feeling the sting of perceived rejections. Focus on becoming aware of which thoughts are creating the pain so you can address it at the source. Drinking over the pain just creates its own set of problems.
Do you struggle with feelings of rejection or worry that friends and family will react negatively if you change your drinking? CLICK HERE to hop on a free call with me and we’ll sort it out.
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